WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
~begins in the action
~present tense
~short, sharp sentences
Key words: Wedding, ring bearers , ushers
I wake up in the hotel room! I know it is the day of the wedding we’ve been waiting all week for it. Thomas and I are the ring bearers and ushers. We arrive at the church wearing our smart black suits. I feel a bit nervous. Thomas does all the talking while we give out the service sheets. In the church i hold the ring box tightly. I take off my new shoe and sock to rub my foot . Mum glares at me. I am ready when the minister calls for the rings. I give the ring to Uncle Craig. He is proud of us. I look up at the roof when Craig and Ali kiss. They are so happy.
Wow, Cameron! You really capture the special moment with short sharp sentences, strong verbs and by writing in the present tense.
ReplyDeleteI really like the part where you take off your shoe to rub your foot and Mum glares it you!
Lucky two jobs an usher and a ring bearer
ReplyDeleteGood job Cameron it looks like you put a lot of effort in your story.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece of writing Cam, very talented. It depicts the day so well. Craig and I were realy happy as you said and you were such a fantastic ring bearer. I have just got the photo album back and will have to send it up to you to have a look at. Love Aunty Ali and Uncle Craig
ReplyDeleteHi Cam. What a neat piece of writing...I had a great picture in my head of mum glaring at you, it made me smile. You were given a very important job to do and I know mum was very proud of you. When you have a photo please bring it over to room 11. I would love to have a look. See you soon!
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs Miller Cam has done a great job aye
DeleteI don't now that we have a photo but aunty Ali said that she is going to send a photo album down.
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